The way I percieve myself is not as a human, but as a doll. I don't feel like I can hold an identity on my own, and instead form one based on fragments of the people around me's souls, and what I'm told to be. Being told what to do and who to be isn't a bad thing to me, it gives me a lot of happiness and comfort. Despite being a doll, I do believe myself to have a soul. My soul formed due to recieving so much love from the people around me, absorbing pieces of their soul, that I ended up synthesizing my own organically. But it feels the only way to maintain my soul's flame is to recieve an impossible ammount of love from the people around me.
The name BLACKHOLEHEART comes from my heart's impossible appetite for love. My heart is a Black-Hole that has a bottomless hunger for love, affection, and connection. The love I need is beyond that one person could ever dream of possibly providing. I need to love everyone and be loved by everyone or I WILL implode on myself. Another thing my BLACKHOLEHEART does is absorb fragments of the things, media, and people around me. Lately it seems if a concept brings me comfort, it will end up as a permanent part of my gender.
Another important part of who I am is my identity as a Hex Maniac. Several months ago I went through identity replacement hypnosis with the assistance of my wife, and it lead me to discarding my old identity as Charlotte, and becoming a lovely little witch named Lilac ^-^. Alongside being a Hex Maniac, I'm also Lain Iwakura! Becoming Lain was not a concious choice, and instead something that slowly happened after watching Serial Experiments Lain for the first time. That anime gave me soooo many new fruity delusions.